There was a time upon the long ago when the Grandmother could walk through the Gates of Clarity and into the House of Knowledge. In there, in the library, she could pick up a book, any book. But only certain pages and certain words would be shown to her. So she had to be clear of her intention and her purpose and only then would she know which book, which page, which words she had to turn to.
At this time she had to observe certain rules:
Firstly, she had to acknowledge and thank her God, her Source, at all times.
Secondly, she had to accept that the words she was allowed to see, and take away, were the right ones. She was not given the information her seeker wanted. She was given the words her seeker needed.
Thirdly, she had to return the book to exactly where it came from, otherwise her next visit would be very confusing.
Fourthly, she had to treat the house with respect and shut the door when she left. Also, she had to treat the Gate with respect and shut it when she left.
Then she could return safely to the waking world. If these things were not done, then the Word People would not come with her.
These Word People would then be passed on to the seeker, the person wanting the answer to a problem or a thirst for more knowledge. The Word People would, however, only go at the right time and the Grandmother had to accept the timing from them. They were always ready to pass the words on to the seeker, but the seeker was not always ready. When the seeker was ready to accept the words with faith, trust and understanding, they would be passed on. This might be immediately, it might be several days or it might be never, depending on the openness and honesty of the seeker.
The Grandmother would then summon the seeker to the quiet shelter of her abode and they would purify themselves and pray together. This helped to cleanse the channel so the Word People could pass easily and unhindered by human egos. After the passing of the words, the Grandmother would ask the seeker what they thought of the words, the first gut reaction.
If they were accepted with quiet acceptance and a determination for them to be used for the betterment of all, then the Grandmother would know that she had done well. If they were accepted with anger, indifference or objections, the Grandmother had to look to herself, her methods, to see where she erred. This could be a hard time for her as there was no one to help her in the waking world - it was a lonely, inward road to travel, to honestly question her emotions, her ego, her intentions and her purity. There was nothing to tell her if she was ready again to pass on the Word People, except her own inner knowing. She had to learn to fully trust, with humility, her own being.
If the Word People were not accepted, then they would leave the seeker and he or she would feel more uncertain than before the visit. If the seeker was truly intent on self-improvement then they would, like the Grandmother, look inward at their own heart. This was not an easy time but there was no blame on the Grandmother or the seeker if both were honest in their intentions. They could help each other and this could be a time of great learning.
If the seeker was not ready to accept the Word People at all or to see why it was so, then he or she was likely to become more angry or confused and their relationship with others in the clan would suffer. When this happened, the clan would get together and honestly examine its purity of heart - everyone had to bare their thoughts and expose their true feelings on the matter. If something in the clan was found wanting, then it was addressed and corrected, for harmony had to be with the clan. Again, there was no blame on anyone; it was simply a learning.
If the situation appeared to be entirely in the hands of the original seeker and that person would not accept and change, then this was very hard for all, as the seeker could not remain in the clan - he or she would then live alone, at a distance from the clan, and fend for themselves. This caused much sadness and fear for everyone and, thankfully, this did not happen often.
As the Grandmother was the agent of the change she had to take on the weight of the clan's sadness and fear. The clan had to go on and live in harmony so the Grandmother would take that sadness and fear from them, into the wilderness, and would spend whatever time was needed to release that pain - the clan's and hers - and did not return to her abode until her soul was cleansed and her heart was pure again.
The onus of being a Grandmother was very heavy and these times were very hard. However, while it was always hard work maintaining that pure heart and integrity within herself, it was very joyful to be able to pass on the Word People and see the seeker (and the clan) smile and go forward.
To an observer, the Grandmother's job seemed to be the best in the village - she didn't have to do any manual work, she was always wanted by all sorts of people and she commanded great respect. In many ways, the village life revolved around her words and her presence. Though there were many inward satisfactions, it was a hard and lonely road, at times. Everyone wanted to be a Grandmother until the time they were chosen for the job ….
From The Royal Bank of Stories available at The Write Site
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
Monday, 26 April 2010
Asharif the Boatman
In the boat with Asharif are three very wealthy and elegantly dressed people. The man has a grand hat and many layers of flowing robes, while the women are dressed in much lace and silk, with delicately embroidered parasols.
As Asharif rows, he doesn’t think about the disparity between these sophisticated people, with their fine talk and smooth skin, and his own blunt manner and blistered hands. These people of high standing may be comparing their impeccably buckled shoes with his bare feet, their flowing garments with his tattered shirt and shorts, the large jewels on their fingers with his broken and dirty fingernails. Asharif could have looked at these outer differences if he’d chosen, but his interest was in that which lay beneath the human veneer. This is why these people chose his above all the other water taxis.
Some of the other water taxis were very beautiful craft, with brightly coloured paint in intricate patterns and scrolling words. Some gleamed in the bright sunlight and were decorated with streamers, bells and garlands of flowers. Many of the taxi-men wore what we might call uniforms – smart clothing of particular colours and patterns that matched their boats. Most of them were well groomed and, despite the hard physical work, kept themselves very clean. Many of them practised speeches and phrases and were able, after some time, to imitate the language, tone and gestures of their educated customers.
There was, it seemed, a common idea that the cleaner, smarter and more clever you were, the more customers you could get, enabling you to make enough money to sell your boat and live in a manner that more closely resembled your customers. It was not possible, of course, for taxi-men to ever become society-men, for the brand of their birth could never be erased or exchanged. However, a taxi-man could always, with foresight, perseverance and ingenuity, become a manservant or horseman – positions which meant less physical work and more contact with the “people of society”. Somehow, the unspoken belief was that the more contact one had with people of society, the more likely one could become one – almost as if their wealth, silks, jewels and powders would rub off. It never did but all lived in hope.
For the society people, there was an unspoken belief that the less contact one had with the “lower elements of society”, the less chance one had of becoming (at least fractionally) like them. Most society people, then, chose the more colourful craft and the most “cultured” taxi-men.
So why did this unkempt Asharif prosper so much? In a tidy-but-unpainted boat, in purely functional and slightly tattered clothes and with an accent and manner quite unchanged from birth, he should have been the poorest of the taxi-men. But he wasn’t. Further, instead of actively engaging his customers in bright and enthusiastic conversation, he assiduously avoided saying anything unless asked to do so. Yes, he was polite, but it was as if he didn’t care. And yet, through the layers of cosmetics, jewellery and clothing that surrounded and protected these society people, some particular ones among them felt that he actually cared more than anyone else they knew. While Asharif’s outer appearance and behaviour belied his caring, it was plainly evident to a small number of them.
Obviously, most society people would choose not to travel with Asharif, the plain and sullen one and, initially, he sat at the wharf for hours while the more splendid craft plied their trade with vigour. This seemed not to bother Asharif, who simply sat and waited, as if knowing of some divine event on its way. Then, once in a while, a society-person or group, feeling a little adventurous, would deliberately choose the taxi that no one else would, perhaps hoping to have more to boast about than others of a more conservative nature.
Most of these adventurous passengers had a need of noise, hustle and bustle. Asharif’s silence would unnerve them and they’d have to fill the space with chatter. Eventually they’d have to risk the taboo of talking to the lower people – they’d comment on the weather or some other irrelevancy and he would nod and, maybe, smile. If nothing needed to be said, he said nothing. In desperation they would (in their need to fill the silence with noise) ask a question which he would have to answer.
So, after deep thought (as deep as they were capable) they might ask a question about marriage and Asharif would tell them that the man they were about to marry was actually in love with another particular lady (who he’d name) and that their impending marriage would last 3½ years and end in bankruptcy and misery. Or they might ask something about politics and he’d tell them who the next Shamir (or Governor) would be, what he would do and what effect that would have in their businesses. Or they’d ask about health and he’d reassure them that their father’s terrible illness would soon be gone and that full health would be restored in seven weeks, if they administered a particular herbal concoction to him.
Whatever subject they alluded to, he would know, somehow, of their personal concerns and future and, without discrimination, he’d simply give the facts. As time went by, they realised that he was never wrong. In time he came to be respected, though many first thought of him as a charlatan and felt bound to test him. He never faltered and his answers were equally caring, dispassionate and accurate for all questioners, no matter how cynical, aggrieved or wide-eyed they were.
Without looking, it was as if he could see into their hearts and know the real questions they were afraid to ask. Then, in the same way, he seemed able to look into their souls and their futures and give answers from the heart of one who was incapable of judgement. He seemed unable to judge people by their dress or behaviour, and unable to judge the impact of that which he told. As a messenger, he dispassionately delivered his messages with no thought of softening or “adjusting” them to the sensitivity of the listener.
And yet there came with these (sometimes) harsh messages, an overwhelming sense of caring and compassion. Even the most difficult-to-swallow pills were rendered sweetly edible. Though he volunteered no advice, if a wise questioner asked for advice around his or her future, the counsel was ever wise and reassuring.
By attraction rather than advertising, then, Asharif became a very busy man. Though he might have rowed all day, he always had time for another customer – his energy was boundless. Sometimes he would be spared that hard work as a customer, trying to get to the bottom of a major problem, would ask him to stop rowing and to simply advise. Often this plain craft could be seen quietly drifting with the tide while the more garish and noisy taxi-men ploughed through the water with great gusto and a little envy.
And, in the middle of the harbour, bobbing in the wake of other water traffic, large amounts of gold and jewels would be proffered in grateful thanks for the knotty problem solved. Asharif never refused these gifts, accepting them with the same simple “thank you” that accompanied the compliments for him. He did, however, turn down other offers. Sometimes he would be offered a position as an advisor for a nobleman and, always, he’d decline. It was as if he wanted to remain available to all, without discrimination – to be the exclusive property of one (no matter how wealthy) was not his way.
At times, an astute observer might see a thankful customer alight from the humble craft and know that changes were afoot. Within a week the people would be astounded at the brilliance of some political or business initiative, and all their lives would be enhanced a little. While the masses would shower this ingenious politician or businessman with their approval, two or three people would smile and nod to each other, knowing where the seed of the progressive changes really started. Asharif was never acknowledged for his part in any of the happenings and one suspects that’s how he would have wanted it.
He plied his trade untiringly, provided his truth when asked, accepted that which his customers offered, offended no one and remained in the simple integrity of who he really was. A more innocuous man could not be imagined and all who knew him well, grew to love him.
For some reason, though, some were not happy with him. Many speculated on whether it was a jealous taxi-man, a jilted lover, a dishonest politician or a greedy businessman, but we’ll never know the real culprit. An uproar ensued after his boat was found floating in the middle of the harbour. On closer inspection, his body was found face-up, with his arms and legs nailed to the wooden seats, while his craggy and serene face smiled at the peaceful sky above. Several official inquiries were instigated but no offenders were discovered, though two taxi-men and three politicians were found to have left the city abruptly.
There was a mass wailing for the loss of this simple man and different groups began to frantically create books from the words that had been remembered from his boat trips. There was, of course, bickering between these groups of Asharifts (as they called themselves) as to who was the authentic group and who had the most accurate accounts of his life. That bickering continues today and while they may focus on proving themselves the most righteous and the chosen ones, they forget that whatever version of the Asharif story is believed, it provides a profound understanding of life and it enables many confused, pained and anxious people to realize the power and beauty they have within.
Strangely, his death meant that he now lives eternally, forever carrying people across the harbour of their doubt and fear, to the safe harbour of their peace, joy and acceptance.
As Asharif rows, he doesn’t think about the disparity between these sophisticated people, with their fine talk and smooth skin, and his own blunt manner and blistered hands. These people of high standing may be comparing their impeccably buckled shoes with his bare feet, their flowing garments with his tattered shirt and shorts, the large jewels on their fingers with his broken and dirty fingernails. Asharif could have looked at these outer differences if he’d chosen, but his interest was in that which lay beneath the human veneer. This is why these people chose his above all the other water taxis.
Some of the other water taxis were very beautiful craft, with brightly coloured paint in intricate patterns and scrolling words. Some gleamed in the bright sunlight and were decorated with streamers, bells and garlands of flowers. Many of the taxi-men wore what we might call uniforms – smart clothing of particular colours and patterns that matched their boats. Most of them were well groomed and, despite the hard physical work, kept themselves very clean. Many of them practised speeches and phrases and were able, after some time, to imitate the language, tone and gestures of their educated customers.
There was, it seemed, a common idea that the cleaner, smarter and more clever you were, the more customers you could get, enabling you to make enough money to sell your boat and live in a manner that more closely resembled your customers. It was not possible, of course, for taxi-men to ever become society-men, for the brand of their birth could never be erased or exchanged. However, a taxi-man could always, with foresight, perseverance and ingenuity, become a manservant or horseman – positions which meant less physical work and more contact with the “people of society”. Somehow, the unspoken belief was that the more contact one had with people of society, the more likely one could become one – almost as if their wealth, silks, jewels and powders would rub off. It never did but all lived in hope.
For the society people, there was an unspoken belief that the less contact one had with the “lower elements of society”, the less chance one had of becoming (at least fractionally) like them. Most society people, then, chose the more colourful craft and the most “cultured” taxi-men.
So why did this unkempt Asharif prosper so much? In a tidy-but-unpainted boat, in purely functional and slightly tattered clothes and with an accent and manner quite unchanged from birth, he should have been the poorest of the taxi-men. But he wasn’t. Further, instead of actively engaging his customers in bright and enthusiastic conversation, he assiduously avoided saying anything unless asked to do so. Yes, he was polite, but it was as if he didn’t care. And yet, through the layers of cosmetics, jewellery and clothing that surrounded and protected these society people, some particular ones among them felt that he actually cared more than anyone else they knew. While Asharif’s outer appearance and behaviour belied his caring, it was plainly evident to a small number of them.
Obviously, most society people would choose not to travel with Asharif, the plain and sullen one and, initially, he sat at the wharf for hours while the more splendid craft plied their trade with vigour. This seemed not to bother Asharif, who simply sat and waited, as if knowing of some divine event on its way. Then, once in a while, a society-person or group, feeling a little adventurous, would deliberately choose the taxi that no one else would, perhaps hoping to have more to boast about than others of a more conservative nature.
Most of these adventurous passengers had a need of noise, hustle and bustle. Asharif’s silence would unnerve them and they’d have to fill the space with chatter. Eventually they’d have to risk the taboo of talking to the lower people – they’d comment on the weather or some other irrelevancy and he would nod and, maybe, smile. If nothing needed to be said, he said nothing. In desperation they would (in their need to fill the silence with noise) ask a question which he would have to answer.
So, after deep thought (as deep as they were capable) they might ask a question about marriage and Asharif would tell them that the man they were about to marry was actually in love with another particular lady (who he’d name) and that their impending marriage would last 3½ years and end in bankruptcy and misery. Or they might ask something about politics and he’d tell them who the next Shamir (or Governor) would be, what he would do and what effect that would have in their businesses. Or they’d ask about health and he’d reassure them that their father’s terrible illness would soon be gone and that full health would be restored in seven weeks, if they administered a particular herbal concoction to him.
Whatever subject they alluded to, he would know, somehow, of their personal concerns and future and, without discrimination, he’d simply give the facts. As time went by, they realised that he was never wrong. In time he came to be respected, though many first thought of him as a charlatan and felt bound to test him. He never faltered and his answers were equally caring, dispassionate and accurate for all questioners, no matter how cynical, aggrieved or wide-eyed they were.
Without looking, it was as if he could see into their hearts and know the real questions they were afraid to ask. Then, in the same way, he seemed able to look into their souls and their futures and give answers from the heart of one who was incapable of judgement. He seemed unable to judge people by their dress or behaviour, and unable to judge the impact of that which he told. As a messenger, he dispassionately delivered his messages with no thought of softening or “adjusting” them to the sensitivity of the listener.
And yet there came with these (sometimes) harsh messages, an overwhelming sense of caring and compassion. Even the most difficult-to-swallow pills were rendered sweetly edible. Though he volunteered no advice, if a wise questioner asked for advice around his or her future, the counsel was ever wise and reassuring.
By attraction rather than advertising, then, Asharif became a very busy man. Though he might have rowed all day, he always had time for another customer – his energy was boundless. Sometimes he would be spared that hard work as a customer, trying to get to the bottom of a major problem, would ask him to stop rowing and to simply advise. Often this plain craft could be seen quietly drifting with the tide while the more garish and noisy taxi-men ploughed through the water with great gusto and a little envy.
And, in the middle of the harbour, bobbing in the wake of other water traffic, large amounts of gold and jewels would be proffered in grateful thanks for the knotty problem solved. Asharif never refused these gifts, accepting them with the same simple “thank you” that accompanied the compliments for him. He did, however, turn down other offers. Sometimes he would be offered a position as an advisor for a nobleman and, always, he’d decline. It was as if he wanted to remain available to all, without discrimination – to be the exclusive property of one (no matter how wealthy) was not his way.
At times, an astute observer might see a thankful customer alight from the humble craft and know that changes were afoot. Within a week the people would be astounded at the brilliance of some political or business initiative, and all their lives would be enhanced a little. While the masses would shower this ingenious politician or businessman with their approval, two or three people would smile and nod to each other, knowing where the seed of the progressive changes really started. Asharif was never acknowledged for his part in any of the happenings and one suspects that’s how he would have wanted it.
He plied his trade untiringly, provided his truth when asked, accepted that which his customers offered, offended no one and remained in the simple integrity of who he really was. A more innocuous man could not be imagined and all who knew him well, grew to love him.
For some reason, though, some were not happy with him. Many speculated on whether it was a jealous taxi-man, a jilted lover, a dishonest politician or a greedy businessman, but we’ll never know the real culprit. An uproar ensued after his boat was found floating in the middle of the harbour. On closer inspection, his body was found face-up, with his arms and legs nailed to the wooden seats, while his craggy and serene face smiled at the peaceful sky above. Several official inquiries were instigated but no offenders were discovered, though two taxi-men and three politicians were found to have left the city abruptly.
There was a mass wailing for the loss of this simple man and different groups began to frantically create books from the words that had been remembered from his boat trips. There was, of course, bickering between these groups of Asharifts (as they called themselves) as to who was the authentic group and who had the most accurate accounts of his life. That bickering continues today and while they may focus on proving themselves the most righteous and the chosen ones, they forget that whatever version of the Asharif story is believed, it provides a profound understanding of life and it enables many confused, pained and anxious people to realize the power and beauty they have within.
Strangely, his death meant that he now lives eternally, forever carrying people across the harbour of their doubt and fear, to the safe harbour of their peace, joy and acceptance.
Saturday, 19 December 2009
The Science of Buyology
Way back in the olden days – back when men were men and so were women – everyone knew their place and came home every night. Men went out and hunted mammoths during the day and came home to sex and dinner every night. They provided the ingredients for dinner and the next generation while the women stayed home to cook up and deliver them.
Thousands of years later – or maybe it was tens of thousands of years later; history is not my strong suit – life hadn’t really changed. Men went out to work and, when they got home, they mowed the lawns, cleaned the car and played golf. Meanwhile their women stayed indoors, cooked, cleaned and played ladies. Men stayed out and women stayed in. All very respectable, simple and predictable.
And they were all happier, going by their lower crime statistics.
Then, in 1893, New Zealand was the first country to give women the vote and all hell broke loose. From that moment, nothing was certain. We’re not blaming anyone here – not New Zealanders, not women, not politicians – it was just a certain turning point and we’ve never looked back.
Women got the vote, they came outside, they stopped riding side-saddle, they wore trousers, they joined golf clubs*, they cut their hair and then men got in on the act. Men started growing long hair, wearing kaftans, becoming nurses, wearing makeup, cooking and looking after the children.
[* GOLF stands for Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden]
Then sex popped up. People started doing it before they got married. Then people of the same sex started doing it. Then people had babies before they were married. Then same-sex people started having children – proving that the impossible is possible. Then people really got up themselves, got married and decided NOT to have children – what an affront to church and country!
So now everybody can be anybody and they can change that at will. Nothing is certain and, instead of meeting someone and asking them what job they do, we now ask them what gender role they’re playing this year. And we daren’t remember what they told us because we’ll embarrass ourselves next time, assuming they’re still the same ... which they probably won’t be.
Then, amid all this confusion and mixing it with each other’s gender, we have shopping supermarkets, malls, hypermarkets and bigger and bigger places to shop. As if we haven’t got enough already!
Well, now there’s oniomania! Argh! I even had trouble spelling it, let alone saying it. So, what is oniomania? It’s shopaholism, the uncontrollable urge to buy stuff, and up to 10% of women worldwide have it. Psychiatrists tell us it’s driven by the same kind of motivation that fuels alcoholism or drug use ... and psychiatrists would know because they’re scientists and wear white coats. They tell us a woman feels bad - anxious, lonely, worthless, angry or lacking love. So she goes out and buys things - not only to give herself love, but also to prove to the world that she's 'worth it'.
Psychiatrists haven’t studied men (nowhere near as interesting as women) but I’m sure men have this oniomania too. I mean, just how many drills, golf clubs and pairs of driving gloves do you really need, huh? And if men don’t have it their wives probably do so we have it vicariously.
So, is there a cure for this oniomania? Yep, a team of Stanford researchers have found that the antidepressant Celexa might help obsessed shoppers overcome their compulsion. Yes, you guessed it – you get over your shopaholism by shopping for chemicals! A viscious cycle, really.
However, don’t get depressed just yet as Dr Philip is here with the ultimate solution. You see, as we’ve discovered, all this shopping started when men started trying to be women and women tried to be men and then we all got depressed, felt unworthy and got oniomania. So, the answer is staring us in the face, right?
OK, I’ll spell it out: Men, get out of the kitchen, out of your frocks, cut your hair and get back into men’s work – earn money for your lady at home. And women, well, get out of work clothes, stop fixing the mower, hand over your $100,000-year salary to a man and get back in the kitchen and make life more simple and predictable. If history is any guide, we’ll all be much happier (watch the crime figures plummet) and we won’t need to shop at all as we’ll all be so deliriously happy with our now-certain gender role.
I don’t know why someone else hadn’t thought of this before – so simple, really!
Thousands of years later – or maybe it was tens of thousands of years later; history is not my strong suit – life hadn’t really changed. Men went out to work and, when they got home, they mowed the lawns, cleaned the car and played golf. Meanwhile their women stayed indoors, cooked, cleaned and played ladies. Men stayed out and women stayed in. All very respectable, simple and predictable.
And they were all happier, going by their lower crime statistics.
Then, in 1893, New Zealand was the first country to give women the vote and all hell broke loose. From that moment, nothing was certain. We’re not blaming anyone here – not New Zealanders, not women, not politicians – it was just a certain turning point and we’ve never looked back.
Women got the vote, they came outside, they stopped riding side-saddle, they wore trousers, they joined golf clubs*, they cut their hair and then men got in on the act. Men started growing long hair, wearing kaftans, becoming nurses, wearing makeup, cooking and looking after the children.
[* GOLF stands for Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden]
Then sex popped up. People started doing it before they got married. Then people of the same sex started doing it. Then people had babies before they were married. Then same-sex people started having children – proving that the impossible is possible. Then people really got up themselves, got married and decided NOT to have children – what an affront to church and country!
So now everybody can be anybody and they can change that at will. Nothing is certain and, instead of meeting someone and asking them what job they do, we now ask them what gender role they’re playing this year. And we daren’t remember what they told us because we’ll embarrass ourselves next time, assuming they’re still the same ... which they probably won’t be.
Then, amid all this confusion and mixing it with each other’s gender, we have shopping supermarkets, malls, hypermarkets and bigger and bigger places to shop. As if we haven’t got enough already!
Well, now there’s oniomania! Argh! I even had trouble spelling it, let alone saying it. So, what is oniomania? It’s shopaholism, the uncontrollable urge to buy stuff, and up to 10% of women worldwide have it. Psychiatrists tell us it’s driven by the same kind of motivation that fuels alcoholism or drug use ... and psychiatrists would know because they’re scientists and wear white coats. They tell us a woman feels bad - anxious, lonely, worthless, angry or lacking love. So she goes out and buys things - not only to give herself love, but also to prove to the world that she's 'worth it'.
Psychiatrists haven’t studied men (nowhere near as interesting as women) but I’m sure men have this oniomania too. I mean, just how many drills, golf clubs and pairs of driving gloves do you really need, huh? And if men don’t have it their wives probably do so we have it vicariously.
So, is there a cure for this oniomania? Yep, a team of Stanford researchers have found that the antidepressant Celexa might help obsessed shoppers overcome their compulsion. Yes, you guessed it – you get over your shopaholism by shopping for chemicals! A viscious cycle, really.
However, don’t get depressed just yet as Dr Philip is here with the ultimate solution. You see, as we’ve discovered, all this shopping started when men started trying to be women and women tried to be men and then we all got depressed, felt unworthy and got oniomania. So, the answer is staring us in the face, right?
OK, I’ll spell it out: Men, get out of the kitchen, out of your frocks, cut your hair and get back into men’s work – earn money for your lady at home. And women, well, get out of work clothes, stop fixing the mower, hand over your $100,000-year salary to a man and get back in the kitchen and make life more simple and predictable. If history is any guide, we’ll all be much happier (watch the crime figures plummet) and we won’t need to shop at all as we’ll all be so deliriously happy with our now-certain gender role.
I don’t know why someone else hadn’t thought of this before – so simple, really!
Labels:
buyology,
depression,
emancipation,
gender,
liberation,
lonely,
mandela,
men,
oniomania,
role,
sex,
shopaholism,
shopping,
woman,
women
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
The Gnu Story
Once upon a time, in the land of Great Creatures, there lived a family of Gnus. Mother Gnu had served up a delicious, hot dinner (badger steaks with prairie grass salad and thistle nuts) and called everyone in to eat. Father Gnu and Little Boy Gnu immediately came in, licking their lips, but Little Girl Gnu was nowhere to be found."Oh, no!" said Little Boy Gnu as he rushed from the table, "I bet that Horrible Old Troll has got her. I'll fix him!"
Certain that Little Boy Gnu would handle the Horrible Old Troll, Mother and Father Gnu started eating. However, when no one had come back by the time they had finished their first course, Mother Gnu began to worry that the Horrible Old Troll had got both her children - she decided to see what had happened to them.
Confident that his wife could handle the Horrible Old Troll, Father Gnu started on the delicious dessert of deep-fried dragon-flies, candied trout tongue and pureed turtle tails. As he lapped the last luscious lashings of the liquid with his languorous, licking tongue, his limpid, luminous eyes lingered on his wife's lovely, 'luptuous photo, while he wondered if she, too, had been got by the Horrible Old Troll. He lowed lovingly and lumbered leisurely out the door, down to the bridge, where the Horrible Old Troll got him too.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the end of the gnus. And now for the weather …
So, what's the moral of the story? You can choose from:
1. The good gnus always end up as bad news,
2. Mind your own business, eat your dinner or you'll become someone else's dinner,
3. Work together rather than leaving the messy jobs to the little people,
4. Maybe horrible old people are actually really nice, when you get to know them, and, when you do, you won't want to go home,
5. If you want to buy a gnu's property, employ a troll for your real-estate salesman,
6. No gnus is not good news,
7. Who cares about the weather when the news is all bad,
8. Learn from others' misfortunes,
9. Trolls need feeding and/or company too, or
10. Who cares?
Eyelids
Did you know it’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. And, if you could, the force of the sneeze would blow your eyes out. Well, that’s what I’ve been told. Quite handy, then, these eyelid things - keeping out the dust and stopping your eyes from popping out when you sneeze.
When was the last time you thanked your eyelids for being there and keeping your eyes in? And when did you last thank your feet for being down there to stop your legs wearing out, or the hair up your nose for stopping the dust, thereby reducing the frequency of sneezes and the chance of your eyes popping out should your eyelids malfunction? We all take these little bits for granted, don’t we? And it’s quite nice that we have full control - we can choose whether to have our eyes open or shut all the time.
The Ordinary Bloke
I met a man who ran a factory, a factory that made furniture - things for sitting upon. He was an ordinary bloke who smoked and joked and talked in a foreign accent. His factory (he didn’t actually own it as he was an ordinary bloke) was quite ordinary too and the sit-upon things it made were nice and comfortable but did nothing especially memorable - it just supported a lot of bums.I gradually got to know him over a few months and it soon became apparent that ordinary wasn’t a very good word for him. I’m not sure what was but ordinary wasn’t. You see, behind his ordinary factory manager label, his ordinary factory, ordinary clothes and other ordinary bits, he was a bit of an adventurer. He didn’t actually climb the Matterhorn on his hands; hop across the Arctic on one leg, naked; swim the Adriatic with both legs tied to a brick or undertake any other body-risking venture. He wasn’t that sort of adventurer, but in his ordinary every-day life he had an adventure every day. These weren’t Earth-shattering, front-page-news types of adventures that you would write about (though I am) but they were very real adventures for him. And, without them, his life-force would certainly have withered and died.
He started working life in his family’s furniture business and that was an adventure because, before then, he hadn’t done that. He learned to cut and sew and upholster and each new learning was a thing to be cherished and improved upon. And each new design and fabric was savoured and remembered. He designed, bought materials, built and then went out and sold his creations. Each sale was an adventure, as were the friendships and ideas he got from his customers. Nothing was boring and even the complaints and rejects were fun for they took him on a new adventure of doing things better.
Then he moved house, from England to New Zealand, and that was an adventure - kinda’ scary and kinda’ fun. He ran furniture stores, managed furniture factories and immersed himself in every aspect of his trade. Some thought he was a little unstable, having so many jobs, but he was happy finding and meeting every new challenge. He was recently asked to design 15 new lounge suites and so he designed 25 - he just couldn’t help himself. Each day he drives 2 hours to and from work and many people might find that boring, but not him. Every day is different - different weather, different routes, different traffic jams - and all the while his mind is surfing over new waves of ideas.
For 30 years he has been in the same business and some may find that boring, but not him. There is always a different pleat, a different chair-arm shape, a different customer, a different sunset. He knows he doesn’t have to go to Spain to run with the bulls, to the Sahara to smell the desert, to India to meet a guru, to have an adventure. He can wake up, open his eyes and say, “Wow, they do open”, and that’s an adventure. He turns on the shower and exclaims, “Wow, hot water still comes out,” with glee.
Of course, being an ordinary bloke, he does get depressed, angry, sad and all those other things us ordinary folks get. But somehow, his anger, sadness, depression or whatever, lasts for only a flicker (compared to yours and mine) for it isn’t long before another adventure, another challenge, turns up - his eyes sparkle, he grins and surfs another wave.
The other day he had a car accident - his car couldn’t be driven but he was O.K., apart from a few bruises. He could have sat and stared at the car, moaning about other drivers, the cost of repair and a hundred other things but, no, he rang a friend and while he waited, he got out his sketch pad and had fun designing new sofas. It sounds quite a practical attitude and reminds me of something I heard yesterday on the radio:
There are only two things to worry about:
Whether you are well or sick.
If you are well you have nothing to worry about.
If you are sick you only have two things to worry about:
Whether you will get better or not.
If you get better you have nothing to worry about.
If you are going to die you only have two things to worry about:
Whether you are going to heaven or to hell.
If you are going to heaven you have nothing to worry about.
And if you are going to hell you are going to be so busy shaking hands with old friends you won’t have any time to worry.
This ordinary bloke will probably never be a film-star or great politician or sporting hero, but his quiet love and acceptance of life inspires me more than any of the grandest achievers or speakers - perhaps it’s because his attitude is (like me) very simple or perhaps it is because he is simply doing it, not just talking about it.
The trouble is, being an ordinary bloke, I find it hard to actually live it, though I try, and I worry about that! Maybe I shouldn't ...
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
December – No-Moan Month Movement
Over the last week my wife and I have experienced a miracle and we’d like you to experience that too ... and we’d like some more as well!For three hours a day Anna and I look after a mansion and the extensive grounds for a (mainly) absentee owner who I’ll call Marilyn. This work provides us with a free house and a small allowance. The rest of each day we are freelance writers and editors.
Marilyn came back last week, for a few days, and the first day I worked with her, I couldn’t and hadn’t done anything right – and nor had anyone else. Light bulbs that had blown overnight were my fault as I should have checked them regularly. Leaves that had recently fallen should not have been there – I should have cleaned them up, despite my not being there for the previous 4 days ... and on and on she went. And, yes, she is a highly strung person who enjoys drama but this was the worst anyone had seen her, including her other cleaner who had worked for her for over 40 years. I continued to smile, be pleasant and do all the petty things she asked – as did the other staff – as it’s her property and she’s paying the “wages”. However, I felt uncomfortable being treated like that and I felt sorry for her in her stressful state.
I talked with Anna about Marilyn’s behaviour, and my frustration, and that helped.
That evening we read about T Harv Eker, who became a millionaire and who wrote the book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. Eker’s golden rule for life was, never complain. What you focus on, he says, always expands. Therefore, if you complain about problems, they always expand. Complaints, he says, are crap magnets and he challenges people not to complain in a seven-day period, including mental complaints. He has been amazed at how many lives this small exercise has transformed peoples’ attitudes.
As avid students of A Course in Miracles (ACIM) and having seen The Secret, we knew all this – we just needed a reminder. The next morning, after we had done our daily ACIM reading and were about to do our meditation, Anna suggested that we pray for Marilyn ... that we pray for peace for her. This we did.
Two hours later we reported for work and we met a totally different person ... same body, same name, same clothes, same voice but a totally different person. She greeted us cheerfully at the door and started by asking us about our recent trip to Portugal – she usually has no interest in other peoples’ doings so this was a huge surprise. In her own way she apologised for telling me off the day before and for the whole three hours, she was sweetness and light – a total transformation! At midday she was leaving for to Switzerland and such occasions are usually fraught with panic, disorder and more panic. Despite her transport turning up late, something that would normally have tipped her over the edge, she was uncharacteristically calm and all went perfectly smoothly.
This was miraculous. This was a miracle!
Then, yesterday, I had to go to London and that required two different train journeys and trips on four underground trains. Millions of people moan about London’s transport system but I had a lovely time. However, I discerned why so many people could be unhappy and moaning. Anna and I do not get newspapers and do not watch or listen to the news. It was, then, a small shock to be thrown back into an environment where newspapers were all around me –on seats, the floors and in peoples’ hands being read. Life was horrific – everyone, if the headlines were to be believed, was robbing, killing, raping, suing, slandering, divorcing or moaning at someone else. The world was, indeed, in chaos and I was lucky to have made it this far!
But my world is beautiful and very peaceful and, yes, we have daily challenges but we both choose that beauty and peace are always with us – and our miracles occur regularly.
Rather than being crap magnets, Anna and I have chosen to be peace magnets – we’ve decided to be moan-free for a month, thanks to T Harv Eker’s suggestion. Yes, we may have negative/moaning thoughts but, with diligence, we’ll choose to let them go and replace them, each time, with thoughts of peace and gratitude.
Then, raking up leaves this morning, my mind pondered on how wonderful the world could be if we all chose to be moan-free for a month – the month of December.
You see, December is the perfect month to be moan-free as it is often the month of highest stress. Though it’s supposed to be the month of goodwill and all that lovely giving/receiving stuff, so many people dread it for so many reasons.
So, let us take our focus off the awful bits of December, the stressful bits from our past and choose that this December we simply don’t moan. Things may still be stressful, may still be uncomfortable, may still be disappointing ... may still be all sorts of things. We’re in the real world and life happens so let’s be realistic about that. However, with whatever happens, we simply choose not to moan about any of it – we recognise it, see it, pray for it, find solutions for it, smile at it, giggle about it, pay for it, deal with it ... but we don’t moan about it.
You see, the more people there are who become peace magnets – and disengage from being crap magnets – the more peaceful will this become for everyone.
So, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is threefold:
1. Choose not to moan for the month of December 2009, either mentally or verbally,
2. Add your comments at the bottom of this blog – your experiences of miracles, large and small, will help inspire others, and
3. Invite others to make December no-moan month and let’s get as much peace and happiness circulating round this globe as possible.
Then watch the miracles happen!
In the spirit of gratitude and non-moaning for December – our tithing, if you like – we’re offering everyone our personal development course for FREE. Click here to get to the course at Personal Development Academy - Change Your Mind, Change Your World course ... if you really do want changes in your life, this will help!
And how can you give to make this a truly Goodwill December?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)




